Tremors of Parenting

I am no veteran to the concept of parenting. On the contrary just a novice. But within a very few months of my initial attempts at parenting, I have quite a lot of agitated occasions, hesitations regarding the right method of streamlining a child and the apt techniques to get hailed as the child-loving parent. I feel extremely compelled to compare the ways and means adapted by my parents in parenting and my inability or rather ineffectiveness of those earlier means on the modern day children. Despite repeated failures in the adoption of those outdated means in my daily instances of parenting, I feel  custom-bound, unwilling to understand and accept the fact that the children today are completely different from the children of the past. 

Hailing from an orthodox and conventional christian background, I have been very much accustomed to the parental monitoring on each and every activity of mine. I have always been forced to look upon my father as a custodian of discipline and morality. His hands and belt have spoken to me more often in my childhood days than him. Chastising has been very common during the days of my childhood. Belonging to a family that was just a thread away from the poverty line, my every dream, wish, desire, materialistic interest has always been either crushed or severely snubbed. I don't blame my parents but unfortunately they were not in the right economic frame to support all my wishes and aspirations. Though constant chastising and snubbing infuriated me in the past but I learned to get on with it as days passed. At this juncture, I should not be mistaken to be very pessimistic and sarcastic over the ways and means adapted by my parents. I do very well realize today that those acts of disciplining in the past have moulded me and made me what I am today. But as a child, it was very very hard for me to digest but was left with no choice. For, I was constantly reminded that speaking against our parents is sin and God would not approve of it. The repeated injection of religious fear made us accept everything that came our way without questioning or refuting. 

But the days have changed, the society has transformed, the technology has undergone drastic revolution, everything has changed and the children with it. As the fanfare for instant coffee and instant remedies have multiplied so is the children's desire for immediate satiation of their needs and desires. The modern day children are bent on bending the means to achieve their needs, desires and aspirations. They give no damn to their parents rather if they want something, they want it and there is no room for compromise. 

I was extremely shocked to hear of an real life incident narrated by my friend and colleague. A teenager was accused of chain snatching and was taken to police custody. On inquiry, the alarming revelation was that he is the son of a college professor, who earns not less than 18 lakhs per annum. The parent was completely ashamed of the incident and did not have the guts to enter the police station. He was completely broken over the indelible shame that his son had cast over the family's repute. On entering the police station, he entered into a verbal dual with his son. But his son, who is no stranger to such anti-social schemes, was not moved. Rather, he accused his father severely of being unmindful of his daily needs and of being stingy. In fact, he is the best father I have heard and would wish to imitate. He was of the habit of handpicking everything for his son. He wanted to give his son the best of everything. But that was not the son needed. His actual need was the freedom to do things in his own style. Practically he needed money and more money to live life in his own style. The pocket money Rs. 500 given by his father was no way closer to his exaggerated materialistic needs. But extreme peer pressure and superimposed foreign life style would not let him compromise. Hence, he decided to break the rules, to bend the means to reach his end. Though his thirst for pleasure landed him in jail, he had absolutely no remorse for his action. Rather, he was keen on intimidating his dad to yield to him and support his lifestyle with money. My friend ended the narration saying the way his father cried bitterly in the police station remains a permanent image before his eyes. 

The narration sent tremors in me. I was immediately reminded of my two sons. Even at the age of 4, I can very well sense that my first son is very adamant with regards to his needs and desires. Extreme frustration and anger commonly accompanies every rejection of his request. At times, it is shocking to see him adapting childish blackmailing techniques to achieve his needs. Corporal punishments, as imposed in our days of childhood, are met with extreme repulsion by the modern day children and they end up with hate speech. Even cajoling does not work. Even after hours of cajoling, my child gets back to the same issue with undiminished adamance and vigour. My only consolation is that it does not happen only with my child. Almost every child, irrespective of the gender that I meet at School, supermarket, cinemas, churches, temples or on the street is adamant and is not very obliging. So the need is arriving at a middle path that is neither aggressive nor submissive. 

The availability of sources of information is only major cause for the sudden increase in the needs of children. Children wish to own every product advertised and react if their request is not well attended to. Cartoon channels are another menace that spoil  and manipulate the unsophisticated minds of children. You all have no idea how much I hate "Chotta Bheem". Thousands of hours are spent before TV watching the series. If my television has a mouth, it would tell you bitter tales. 

Given the current trend, it is not possible to wield children away from television, nor from any other media for that matter. It would be purely illogical to say disconnect your television or child lock your computers. The modern day children will trouble you to the core and make you unlock anything with their persistent troubles. Given the modern trend of single child nuclear families. who would want their only son or daughter to shed tears for hours together? 

What is the way out? In the technological world, it is not possible to attempt making a child sage with occult religious preachings and practices. At the say time, we can not let them travel with the negative current of materialism. On the other end, we can not manhandle them as well. Corporal punishment instigates repulsion and repulsion alone. 

A sage from Himalayas or from any other corner of the world would be welcome to give me a miraculous way out to make my son understand me and viceversa. But may be my mind is too unsophisticated to imagine a fool-proof solution. The only thing I know is that within a few months of parenting, I have a receding hairline and have visible signs of aging on my face. 

May be anyone who reads this blog instruct me on making my son something between a sage and a scientist.....

I have decided to patiently wait for an expert advise.........