Dear Students THINK BEFORE YOU LEAP......

+2 results are out. The long lasted anxiety in the minds of parents and students has begun to drain. The newspapers have begun to make money with advertisements from almost every institution that exists in TamilNadu. On the day of the announcement of results, I happen to switch between a few Tamil Channels that were broadcasting the result statistics and the live coverage of the interviews from the state and district level achievers. There were jubilation, back slaps, distribution of sweets, handshakes, hugs, etc.. A few children were in absolute spotlight and were celebrating to the maximum. But the newspapers and television gave a different view of this, the very next day. Two girls committed suicide for not scoring the expected marks. This has become a common occurrence, because even during my school days we were habituated hearing of such suicides and suicidal attempts immediately after the publication of results. But what affected me badly was the suicide of a father. On 11^th May, the televisions said a father committed suicide because his son got poor marks and he cannot be admitted into a reputed engineering college.

This left me pondering. Where do we go and what are we upto? Why has our educational system shrunk to mere accumulation of marks? Are marks the ultimate end of education? Does distinction in +2 guarantee distinction in college? Are the detainees in +2 doomed throughout their entire life? Is the grading system comprehensive? Does the education take into account the entire personality of an individual? Does the streams in higher education all inclusive of students’ interests and talents?

These were some of the questions that I began pondering over. It is painsome to note even after scoring marks in distinction, the high achievers do not exercise individualism and creativity in deciding the course of their study. There are just two moulds that shape the life of every good student in our nation. The first tailor cut mould is medicine and the second mould is engineering. Our students, almost everyone, are blindfolded and hence are unable to think beyond these two moulds. Literally every student I met in school or on the street wants to appear both for medicine and engineering counseling and take whatever he/she gets. So there is almost no conviction, no farsightedness and no dreams about life. They are at the absolute mercy of time and tide to dictate them their future.

This made me browse a few websites for the growth prospect in these two sectors. My search gave me a picture that both these fields have one thing in common. That is they sport a very dismal future.

Engineering is the most preferred choice of almost all students in Tamilnadu. But statistics say that India produces close to 1.5 million Engineers every year and the number is increasing with the mushrooming of XYZ Engineer colleges in every nook and corner of the state and the nation. But the disturbing fact is that hardly 15% of them get securely placed. Thanks to the global economic recession and the onslaught of Chinese ‘more labour less wages’ strategy on the foreign multinationals, we witness a great drain in the availability of engineering jobs across the nation. So there are already a few hundred million engineers in our nation, who are either extremely under placed with meager wages to manage the daily bread of their families or left jobless and at the mercy of their parents. Many websites allegedly report that there seems to be a wave of frustration amidst engineering graduates and in metropolises many graduates are found to involve in anti-social activities, such as, chain snatching and shop lifting.

Amidst such a scenario, where do the aspiring engineering graduates have a scope for secure and sophisticated career? Even when big fishes in the market are keen on cost cutting and automation, where on earth can we be assured of good job prospect?

The story of medicine is far more dismal. All of us might have been aware of the recent news. A doctor has filed a complaint against an IAS officer. The doctor has poured many lakhs of rupees into the pocket of the IAS officer for a medical seat. An e-article in the online version of The Hindu left me with a clear picture of the trend of “selling of medical seats”. The government medical colleges being very few, the private medical colleges rule the roost. They commonly object to the common entrance test. They dodge the test to keep away from fair admission procedures. Some institutions conduct their own entrance test, of which most of them are mere act of perfunctory or eyewash. So mere educational credit can in no way gain one a seat rather you should have a sound economic background.

The irony here is a meritorious candidate might be wielded away from the field of medicine for lack of money and on the other hand an undeserving candidate may have a blessing of free loitering in the medical campuses not because of his hard work but of the economic reserve of his parent.

The history proves that many meritorious students emerge from middle and lower middle class families. Spending 20 to 30 lakhs and more on a medical seat can be surely nightmarish for them. The parents have to get transformed as ATM machines, throwing up money everyday to help their children fulfill their medicinal dream. On the contrary, the rich can afford it but their dedication towards education is at stake amidst such luxury.

Even if you make the ends meet and graduate out of a medical college, can you be assured of a prosperous career? You need to be necessarily a slave at the beck and call of a multi branch multi-specialty hospital owner, whose education might not even be one third of yours. The hospital will make millions out of your service but will pay you peanuts. Or else, your parents should have an ever burgeoning bank balance to establish a clinic and make you the doctor in chief. Or else, you should be born of doctor couple, who already run a reputed clinic to which you become the caretaker in the future.

The stakes for the last two possibilities are very less. Thus, even 30 lakh medical seat does not guarantee one a full purse career. Then why should there be a heavy rush on engineering and medicine?

Can we think beyond these two streams? Journalism, Fashion Technology, Hotel Management, Catering, Space Technology, Safety Technology, Statistics, Marine Biology, Nutrition, Food Technology, Diary Research, Tourism, Indian Administrative Service, Indian Foreign Services, Indian Police Service, Agricultural Research, Industrial Research, Administrative and clerical jobs in Indian Parliament, Aviation, Media Anchoring, NGO administration are some of the sectors that are viewed by students either with bias and prejudice or neglected. These are areas are hardly explored but they have enough juice to feed a million.

Apart from all these, there is yet another possibility. I at times ponder have I wasted my time and money adding three degrees to my credit for a salary of a few thousand rupees per month?

Should we ever belong to the salaried class? Can’t we upgrade ourselves to the position of the one who gives salary?

I commonly envy the tea shop owners in my city, who generally make a full purse everyday. Same is the case with hoteliers, textile merchants and the owners of road side snack stalls.

In Tamil there is a proverb “Learn a trade of your own and cast your worries behind”. Why can’t we become an entrepreneur, industrialist and an owner of a home made production unit??

Students, My Dear Brothers and Sisters, “THINK BEFORE YOU LEAP”. At my age, having a family to take care it is not feasible for me to take a risk. But your age is the right age to decide your future and taste the savour of a few risks and finally the fruit of success.

May you all be innovative in your thought patterns, break the barriers, walk the untreaded or less treaded path and taste success……..

Mother's Life on 1000 Rupees

Every Indian is proud of our culture and tradition. Just as religion plays a vital role in the lives of Indians, so do emotions, sentiments and superstitions. India has the sole credit of running a multi crore industry, purely based on people's sentiments and superstitions. What I refer here is the millions of soothsayers, astrologers and lucky gems sellers that our nation is proud of. We have distinct sentiments covering different categories. Father sentiment, mother sentiment, sister sentiment, mother-in-law sentiment, Thaali sentiment are to name a few... Every family is entwined by sentiments and emotions. More the members in the family even more are the sentiments and emotions that prevail in it.

Every child, right from its birth, is coached on the traditional views and customs that the family has inherited from the past. Creating in a child an emotional bond with the family members is one of the important tasks of parenting. India tradition is well-known for cocooning a child till the age of 25. Every aspect of life is spoon fed. In fact, a child is tailor made by the parent. A child's ambition, lifestyle, economic welfare, etc are mostly decided by the parents. Settling the child with the right life partner, with the right job and with the right economic prospect is commonly viewed as the completion of parenthood in our tradition bound society. All is well. I don't find fault with all this. But the irony is, India is also the nation, wherein there exists numerous number of old age homes. 

Old age homes in foreign countries is an accepted phenomena. The parents do not attach as much traditional perspectives to parenting abroad. A child on reaching maturity is completely left free to mould their lives, pursue their interests and choose a style of life that fits them. The youth commonly live away from their parents in pursuit of their own goals. But in a country, where the youth mostly are tailor cut by their parents, the increase in old-age homes is a disturbing phenomena. How do these spoonfed organisms that depend on their parents for life's decision arrive at an unanimous decision of deserting their parents? There seems to exist somewhere a great fissure between parents and children in their perspectives and attitude towards life. 

I wish to narrate a real life incident that I grew up hearing numerous times. It is the story of one such tailor made child. A couple had five children, of which only three survive now. The man was a tailor (this might be the reason, why I have used the word tailor many times here) and he found it very difficult to make the ends meet. However, he succeeded in giving all the children the basic education. But the couple imparted enough religious and moral education to the children. However, fate scripted a different story for the family.

The eldest son turned a spendthirft and a gambler. He did nothing to secure the lives of his three female children. The entire family stood on the roots of his wife and later on the earnings of the children. He passed away having caused enough burden to the family.

The second son turned an epitome of selfishness. He would not even part with the sweet, which he bought for his wife, with the other members of the family. Even as a youth, he would not allow his brothers touch his cycle and now he does not allow anyone to use his TVS Excel. He is habituated to thinking for himself and in his world there always existed only three members. His wife, his son and him. I hear at times he does not even take into count his daughter - in - law.

The fourth son was a weakling. His entire life was marred by sicknesses. He was and is jobless. The entire family was on the shoulders of his teacher wife. She shed her blood in bringing up all her three children to good positions. Even today she is the prime root of the family. it is around her the lives of every member of the family revolves.

The fifth son made a wrong choice of life partner. Of course, he was a victim of wrong love and ended his life at an early age, leaving behind a male issue. The lady married again and caused chaos both in her life and the life of his son.

The old man passed away and the old lady was completely dependent on the third son for both economic and moral support. For the third son is the only one, who was cut of a different cloth when compared to his siblings. He got a decent and secured job in finance sector. The hopes of the old lady revolved around him. He was looked up on as a saviour of the family. The old lady, in a way, was very partial in her dealings with this third and loved son. When the other siblings were served vegetables for lunch, the third son would get an egg as special offering as the burden of the family was on him.

Days passed and the day of his marriage arrived and that turned the tables on the entire family. The third son got a wife that no man in the entire world would ever wish to get. She succeeded in ripping the entire family apart with her seductive and arrogant ways. I won't call him henpecked but he is the victim of life situations. Her first target was to wield the son away from his mother and she succeeded in it even at a very early stage of her marriage life.

Now the old lady was tossed by every son. The sons, except the third, were either economically unworthy or did not have the mind to take care of the old lady. She wandered as the pendulum in the clock not finding a permanent place to spend her life's end. Finally, she was given refuge by the wife of her fourth son, who has been jobless throughout his life. Being a teacher, may be the lady had the humaneness which the other daughter-in-laws did not possess. The old lady has been residing in her house for the past 30 years. Now the old lady is no more a refugee there but she is the boss. She makes it a point to make her daughter-in-law run not less than 100 errands for her. The pity is that teacher herself have her own grandchildren but she is still a slave to her mother-in-law.

But at the back of her heart, the old lady, who is nearing her end, longs for the love of her children. In her recent visit to the house of her second son, it was told on her face that they don't want her there. Now she appears a pest to her children. Her third and beloved son never calls her but he sends Rs. 1000 every month. In past, he used to write a few lines  in the message column of the money order. The old lady found comfort in those words. But after his retirement, may be the wife does not give him permission to come out, even the message column is left blank. No calls, no letters, no love, no words of comfort even when the old lady was in and out of her death bed several times in the recent past....

The only instrument that helps the old lady believe that her beloved son is alive is the monthly arrival of that money order. The mother, who cared him much against the wishes of her other children, IS TODAY LEFT TO LIVE ON THOSE 1000 RUPEES notes....

Even if she touches the rupee note thousand times, can she feel in it the love of her son.....???!!! But even now her third son is her best son and she despises her grand children, who speak ill of her third son.

It is just the life of one mother and the nation has numerous tales as this.....

Can we EVERY PAY A PRICE FOR MOTHER'S LOVE?

Tremors of Parenting

I am no veteran to the concept of parenting. On the contrary just a novice. But within a very few months of my initial attempts at parenting, I have quite a lot of agitated occasions, hesitations regarding the right method of streamlining a child and the apt techniques to get hailed as the child-loving parent. I feel extremely compelled to compare the ways and means adapted by my parents in parenting and my inability or rather ineffectiveness of those earlier means on the modern day children. Despite repeated failures in the adoption of those outdated means in my daily instances of parenting, I feel  custom-bound, unwilling to understand and accept the fact that the children today are completely different from the children of the past. 

Hailing from an orthodox and conventional christian background, I have been very much accustomed to the parental monitoring on each and every activity of mine. I have always been forced to look upon my father as a custodian of discipline and morality. His hands and belt have spoken to me more often in my childhood days than him. Chastising has been very common during the days of my childhood. Belonging to a family that was just a thread away from the poverty line, my every dream, wish, desire, materialistic interest has always been either crushed or severely snubbed. I don't blame my parents but unfortunately they were not in the right economic frame to support all my wishes and aspirations. Though constant chastising and snubbing infuriated me in the past but I learned to get on with it as days passed. At this juncture, I should not be mistaken to be very pessimistic and sarcastic over the ways and means adapted by my parents. I do very well realize today that those acts of disciplining in the past have moulded me and made me what I am today. But as a child, it was very very hard for me to digest but was left with no choice. For, I was constantly reminded that speaking against our parents is sin and God would not approve of it. The repeated injection of religious fear made us accept everything that came our way without questioning or refuting. 

But the days have changed, the society has transformed, the technology has undergone drastic revolution, everything has changed and the children with it. As the fanfare for instant coffee and instant remedies have multiplied so is the children's desire for immediate satiation of their needs and desires. The modern day children are bent on bending the means to achieve their needs, desires and aspirations. They give no damn to their parents rather if they want something, they want it and there is no room for compromise. 

I was extremely shocked to hear of an real life incident narrated by my friend and colleague. A teenager was accused of chain snatching and was taken to police custody. On inquiry, the alarming revelation was that he is the son of a college professor, who earns not less than 18 lakhs per annum. The parent was completely ashamed of the incident and did not have the guts to enter the police station. He was completely broken over the indelible shame that his son had cast over the family's repute. On entering the police station, he entered into a verbal dual with his son. But his son, who is no stranger to such anti-social schemes, was not moved. Rather, he accused his father severely of being unmindful of his daily needs and of being stingy. In fact, he is the best father I have heard and would wish to imitate. He was of the habit of handpicking everything for his son. He wanted to give his son the best of everything. But that was not the son needed. His actual need was the freedom to do things in his own style. Practically he needed money and more money to live life in his own style. The pocket money Rs. 500 given by his father was no way closer to his exaggerated materialistic needs. But extreme peer pressure and superimposed foreign life style would not let him compromise. Hence, he decided to break the rules, to bend the means to reach his end. Though his thirst for pleasure landed him in jail, he had absolutely no remorse for his action. Rather, he was keen on intimidating his dad to yield to him and support his lifestyle with money. My friend ended the narration saying the way his father cried bitterly in the police station remains a permanent image before his eyes. 

The narration sent tremors in me. I was immediately reminded of my two sons. Even at the age of 4, I can very well sense that my first son is very adamant with regards to his needs and desires. Extreme frustration and anger commonly accompanies every rejection of his request. At times, it is shocking to see him adapting childish blackmailing techniques to achieve his needs. Corporal punishments, as imposed in our days of childhood, are met with extreme repulsion by the modern day children and they end up with hate speech. Even cajoling does not work. Even after hours of cajoling, my child gets back to the same issue with undiminished adamance and vigour. My only consolation is that it does not happen only with my child. Almost every child, irrespective of the gender that I meet at School, supermarket, cinemas, churches, temples or on the street is adamant and is not very obliging. So the need is arriving at a middle path that is neither aggressive nor submissive. 

The availability of sources of information is only major cause for the sudden increase in the needs of children. Children wish to own every product advertised and react if their request is not well attended to. Cartoon channels are another menace that spoil  and manipulate the unsophisticated minds of children. You all have no idea how much I hate "Chotta Bheem". Thousands of hours are spent before TV watching the series. If my television has a mouth, it would tell you bitter tales. 

Given the current trend, it is not possible to wield children away from television, nor from any other media for that matter. It would be purely illogical to say disconnect your television or child lock your computers. The modern day children will trouble you to the core and make you unlock anything with their persistent troubles. Given the modern trend of single child nuclear families. who would want their only son or daughter to shed tears for hours together? 

What is the way out? In the technological world, it is not possible to attempt making a child sage with occult religious preachings and practices. At the say time, we can not let them travel with the negative current of materialism. On the other end, we can not manhandle them as well. Corporal punishment instigates repulsion and repulsion alone. 

A sage from Himalayas or from any other corner of the world would be welcome to give me a miraculous way out to make my son understand me and viceversa. But may be my mind is too unsophisticated to imagine a fool-proof solution. The only thing I know is that within a few months of parenting, I have a receding hairline and have visible signs of aging on my face. 

May be anyone who reads this blog instruct me on making my son something between a sage and a scientist.....

I have decided to patiently wait for an expert advise.........

THEKIDI: A MOVIE OF RAREST KIND...

Had an opportunity to watch Thekidi. Trend breaking film. I don't remember seeing such a well-scripted and well-filmed film. Its a beautiful love entwined thriller, wherein every actor has done his/her job to perfection. The specialty is that the movie gave me no room even to imagine the further course of action. It was completely expectation packed and thrilling through out. The background music is just awesome and helps us gel beautifully with the story. It is indeed unfortunate that such good movies have not many takers in our society. The so called "Mass Entertainers" of the Tamil Industry must spend a few hours to have a look at this film and get ascertained that it is the story that is the real hero and not the human beings. May be it is high time that the Tamil film industry has stopped scripting for heroes and began to let the script choose its heroes. This will do away with the artificiality that pees out and strikes us hard in some of the films and will provide room for the viewer to relish a film without suspecting the reality and feasibility of any of the scenes. Further, films like Thekidi can present in any X Y Z a strong conviction that he/she can make his/her presence felt in a society in their own simple ways in their own field of interest without much fuzz.   Hats off to the scrip writer, director, actors and specially the music director of THEKIDI. You have rocked silently......